Thursday, November 15, 2007


I could not let this one pass me up:

Set the scene ...

It is Saturday night. I am hanging with Brad Pittsburgh in Naruto. He just made some heady, bomb tasting, healthy, vegetarian, maybe organic, maybe vegan, or raw, all that bullshit, dinner. We are talking about food and how what you eat affects how you feel.
I am thinking, `wow, maybe he has a point.` I believe that the exact words to come out of my mouth are, `maybe I will fast and then only eat raw, organic foods, for the rest of my life.`

Then the door bell rings.

We are about two beers deep and the JET program brainwashes its participants into thinking it is perfectly okay to invite EVERY Japanese person into your home who shows the slightest interest in your culture. So, Brad`s health store friend and the two creepy people that are lingering behind her are invited into his home.

It is awkward, obviously.

After I complement the health food store girl`s, super bling, Dolce and Gabbana belt she claps her hands and says, `lets try!!!!`
`Um, try what?`
Then they start talking about Johrei and how it will help you rid the chemicals and maybe bad spirits in your body and some weird bullshit.
All I can think is, `Oh my god. I am being accosted by a cult and Brad is in on it. I thought I knew this person.`

And I was about to give up biscuitville. What would I have eaten at Smith Street Diner, the $9 fruit plate, hell no!

I prep to give Brad the most freaked out look, in hopes he is indeed not in on this Johrei. He returns the look (thank god). But, he agrees to do the Johrei.

We are sitting on one side of the room, Johrei people sit on the other side and stick out their hands. We sit in silence for ten minutes.

When it is over they start asking us if we feel any different.

`Nope, no different, just kinda bored.`

The super weird man is trying real hard to suck Brad into this cult.

I am fidgeting in awkwardness. Dolce and Gabbana asks if I want a massage. I think they are thrown-off by my presence and wanted to distract me while they brain wash Brad. I turn around and get my back rubbed while the weird man tries to get Brad to quite JET and join Johrei.

As things are winding down I ask they guy, `is this ... like ... your job?` Then they take off. My back feels good and Brad is not brainwashed.


brad said...


Julie S said...

I must guiltily admit now, that the Smith Street $9 fruit plate is by far THE BEST FRUIT PLATE I have ever tasted in my entire life. Ever.
Also, thank you for not getting brainwashed. I was hoping that maybe we could have a beer next time we're in greensboro, and not try to cleanse ourselves of evil spirits.

Anonymous said...

Freaky enough, raising and eating healthy organically grown food happens to be part of Johrei and is also called Nature Farming. May be that's why you did not feel anything... May you stay just as healthy and happy forever more :-)